Life has many chapters a
few that I wish were rewritten.
I have a problem
where I see only what I want
and not what is.
~
Maybe it is the loneliness that
whispers thru the silence.
~
I learned long ago,
that nothing is forever.
~
I wanted the dreams
but it ends up dreams are all I have.
~
Numb...
~
Sometimes we are blinded by our needs
~
There isn't anymore tears...
~
" Is the glass half empty or half full?" The power of thought. I have always been aware of our beings and their place in the universe for we merely energy in passing. Imagine that your thoughts become actions that alter the energy and therefor changing the experience. Our destiny is not predetermined as our choices are always dictating which road we take. It is not a matter of weakness or strength but a combination of chapters called experience. The journey becomes complicated because we are entwined with those around us. The choices of others can redirect or over power our own choices. Who dictates where we go and what we do . I once believed that destiny ruled the playground and we merely followed a plan that was placed before us. But at time went on you find that each situation that occurs can be altered simply by our choice. Therefore we truly are the writers of our own story. We choose to experience love and heartache. That is only partly true as yes our journey is empowered by choice but when you find yourself in the web of life you are not alone as author and editor. Imagine for a moment you had a play by play rule book on what decisions to make . That would only work if everyone else is playing by the same rule book and that is never the case. It is like a football game you stumble and fall but sometimes you have to get back up , grab the ball and run with it. But if you look back you see that others are chasing you, trying to be in your world. Call this a bit of a ramble as I work through my emotions and struggle to alter my own journey. I feel like i have fallen back in a kind of accepting way. Responsible for my failures . The weakness in knowing and denying. So it goes that our energy is one but our choices independent.
If you're luck
you might find it,
but to keep it
you be blessed.
There is nothing
more wonderful
than the excitement
love puts to test.
Protect the heart
no let it feel the pain,
I wouldn't trade a moment
as you make sunshine out
of rain.
Running to the heavens
above those clouds up high
and still these feet are anchored
only moving in the mind.
I wished for happiness
and wanted so much more ,
but the story was written
and the chapters are no more.
"There is a time and place" Life is so fleeting. I always find myself wanting more, more time, more out of a relationship, just more. But I have realized that we have to appreciate the "what is" because sometimes that is all there is. As I look through ancestry at the history of our family and read the obituaries it brought everything to light. What is our legacy? What do we leave behind? I guess for each person that is different depending on their family, goals and time on Earth.
You took away my blue sky
and the sun no longer shines,
my heart feels the ache
of the void that I have inside
Rainbows may fade
but the sorrow never does,
it just accumulates
in heart without love.
You took away my blue sky
and the sun no longer shines,
my heart feels the ache
of the void that I have inside.
I still find the need to write. It has been quite a difficult time. Putting all my siblings to rest and my own vulnerability play over and over in my mind. I like to think that you actually cared at one point. But as the years went by I saw the obvious. It has been years and years of struggle. This covid 19 has not made life any easier. After months of shut downs and isolation it has tried my patience. The last few days my emotions have been scattered up and down. Tired of being alone and all the nonsense that the months have provided. I realize I am not alone in the instance that many people are suffering. Kind of strange that we are living through such times. It is not just my vulnerability but of humans and life in general to battle this the inevitable.
It is one of those days where I am a bit melancholy with tears for no particular reason. Maybe they are for a reason there is an end to everyone and everything and the choices made either bring peace or not. I always hated the saying "things could be worse." But some how it doesn't make a difference.
I have been having nightmares and headaches. One of them was with you. I hate when they are so vivid . It is like when you are awake you can't tell if the dream was a dream.
I keep busy with the chickens because it gives me some focus in this time of shut down. Even that is a struggle today. I had always wished you had cared for me the way I cared for you. That is rare to find.
I think about you in a positive way for no love could compare to the love that catches you by surprise. It is a Beatles song" that long and winding road."
